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Anchors Aweigh, Men of Stalag 13
Regular Prisoners * Colonel Hogan - Bob Crane * Corporal Louis LeBeau - Robert Clary * Corporal Peter Newkirk - Richard Dawson * Sergeant James Kinchloe - Ivan Dixon * Sergeant Andrew Carter - Larry Hovis Camp Personnel * Kommandant Wilhelm Klink - Werner Klemperer * Sergeant Hans Schultz - John Banner Semi-Regulars * Fraulein Helga - Cynthia Lynn * Corporal Karl Langenscheidt - Jon Cedar * General Albert Burkhalter - Leon Askin Guest Stars * Sergeant Kristman - Fredd Wayne * Captain Michaels - Michael St. Clair Synopsis The episode begins with Colonel Hogan and Corporal LeBeau walking inside the woods, just a short distance from a road, located somewhere near Stalag 13. They suddenly stop and turn around, as they hear Sergeant Schultz's voice calling to them, as he informs the two, after finally catching up with them, that neither of them should've left the camp. As LeBeau continues up the road, Hogan tells Schultz that they haven't forgotten, before he answers Schultz's question about why they are out there: they are waiting for an escape prisoner from Stalag 5 to show up. After asking Schultz if he would like to be part of the welcoming committee, Schultz responds by accusing Hogan of just loving to see him, meaning Schultz, being sent to the Russian Front. Hogan denies it, saying that he would miss Schultz, plus it would take him and his men too long to break in a new man. At this point, the pair hear LeBeau's voice, warning them that a German truck is headed their way. The two quickly duck beside the road, soon joined by LeBeau, as they all wait for the truck to drive past them. As they wait, LeBeau warns Schultz not to tell anyone that they are meeting up with an escape prisoner, which gets a reply from Schultz of why would he do something so foolish. The truck then suddenly stops in front of them, quickly followed by the truck's driver being shown taking off his helmet. As he does, Hogan quickly recognizes him as the escape prisoner, Michaels, and as he and LeBeau starts to get up, he asks Schultz if he would like to join them, so as not to insult their guest. Soon standing in front of the 'captured' truck, Hogan exchanges pleasantries with Michaels, before Michaels apologizes for startling them with the truck, which he says he has stolen in the confusion caused by his escape. LeBeau, noticing that the truck is a late model, asks Schultz how much he thought they could get for it on the black market, which gets a reply from Schultz that he didn't know of any such activity. After Hogan informs Michaels that Schultz is indeed a German soldier, Michaels informs them about what he has earlier discovered in the back of the lorry: A gunsight which uses a computer for tracking airplanes, which Michaels thought would be of interest to London. Michaels suggests that they take one part of the gunsight with them to the camp to send on to London, instead of making blueprints, but Hogan quickly suggests that they instead take the whole gunsight with them, which Michaels quickly agrees to. After Michaels asks if it would be hard for them to do, Hogan comments that all they needed to do was to send it along with him, before he suggests that they take Michaels into camp. As they head back towards the front of the truck, Michaels informs Hogan that he finds the entire situation hard to believe. Schultz quickly agrees with him, before he asks Hogan what they are going to do about the truck. Hogan asks a surprised Schultz to hide it for them, before he, LeBeau and Michaels leaves Schultz alone with the truck. A short time later, inside Klink's office, as Schultz looks on, Klink, as he tells Hogan that he knows everything that goes on around the camp while he swings his swagger stick in front of Schultz, asks Hogan if he knew anything about Michaels. Hogan, as a horrified Schultz looks on, tells Klink that he did know of a Michaels while he was in England, before he starts to describe Michaels' appearance, which calms down Schultz as Hogan is describing a female, much to Klink's annoyance before Klink tells Hogan that the Michaels he has been talking about has a moustache. Upon hearing this, Hogan tells Klink that he obviously knew a different Michaels. Klink then proceeds to inform Hogan of the just escaped Captain Michaels, before he starts a monologue in which he tells Hogan that Michaels wouldn't have been able to escape if those at Stalag 5 had run their camp his way: with an iron hand, discipline, hard work, and keeping the prisoners busy. Hogan then proceeds to butter up Klink by telling him that he keeps his men busy all the time, before he asks Schultz if he agrees, which gets a response from Schultz that he has really no idea what the prisoners do, to keep hidden what he does know. Klink then asks Schultz if he thought he ran an unusual camp, which Schultz agrees with, but for a different reason. Klink next informs Hogan that he has earlier been given a report which said that Michaels has stolen a truck and was headed for the coast when he vanished with the truck somewhere near their camp, before informing him that he didn't believe the report. He then tells Hogan that he thinks that Michaels is actually somewhere in the vicinity. Hogan tells him he agrees, before he and Scultz hears Klink tell them that he plans to begin a search for Michaels, and will start by looking for the truck, which he is going to put Schultz in charge of, since he is presently short handed. This produces an exchange between Hogan and Schultz, as they both know that Schultz already knows where the truck is, since he has earlier hidden it. Later still, inside the tunnel, Hogan is contacting London on the radio, as the others, including Michaels, look on. During his conversation with Papa Bear, Hogan is asked by him to send them the gunsight so that they can examine it, which he agrees to do, along with the Commando, meaning Michaels. But, when he asks Papa Bear when the sub will be able to pick them up, Hogan is told by Papa Bear that it can't be done, as the sub is presently out of action, before he says that they (in London) thought that they would be able to figure out a way to get them both to England. After Hogan tells him that they would be able to do so and then ends the conversation, Michaels asks him how he plans to do it. The others, LeBeau, Carter, Kinch and Newkirk also asks him, if more sarcastically, while explaining to him what they are presently facing. Hogan replies to them that he thought that they are all being small minded. Hogan is then seen entering Klink's secretary's office, before he asks Helga if Klink is in his office. She tells him that he is, personally supervising the search for Michaels. After commenting that it is a break for our side, Hogan asks her if she would inform Klink that he's here, which she quickly does. Klink, upon hearing that, comments that Hogan doesn't seem to realize how busy he is. He then tells her to let him in anyway, before realizing that Hogan is already in his office. Hogan then gives him several sheets of paper, claiming that they are the latest roster sheet. After taking the sheets, and thanking Hogan, Klink starts to look at them when he is suddenly grabbed by Hogan, and while asking him what is going on, he is lead by Hogan to his chair, as Hogan claims that he looks worn down, much to Klink's surprise. After Klink sits down, Hogan tells him why he did it, claiming that he thought that Klink looks tired, after having earlier asked Helga if she thought so, before she, via Hogan, gives Klink a glass of schnapps to drink. Helga, after reaffirming Hogan's diagnosis, then exits Klink's office crying, which troubles Klink. After watching her close the door, Klink starts to agree to their assessment of his present physical appearance, soon claiming that it is because of the present search for Michaels. At this point, Hogan comments that this is how it always start, which gets Klink's attention, before he tells him that his obsession of looking for Michaels would eventually lead to a physical collapse, which startles Klink. Hogan then claims that he has seen combat fatigue before, before he suggests to Klink that he needs to relax. Klink quickly responds by asking Hogan that since he runs a 'model' prison camp 24 hours a day, how can he relax? Hogan's answer is to suggest that Klink builds himself an officer's club, like the one that he claims Stalag 5 has, based on some information that he claims he has been given by Carter. After thinking it over, Klink likes the idea, soon claiming that it alright that he should unwind once in a while, before adding that his club should be unique, representing him. Hogan agrees, before adding that he thought that Klink's men would be very happy to build it for him, before informing Klink that he knew just the man who would design it for him: LeBeau! He then convinces Klink that using LeBeau for his own means would be excellent, before he suggest that he put LeBeau in charge of the planning. Klink is taken aback by the suggestion, having a hard time seeing a Frenchman giving Germans orders until Hogan tells him that it is the joke, as LeBeau would only think that he is the one in charge of the project, when in fact, he would be taking orders from Klink. The two then start laughing. The next scene shows LeBeau giving order to some of the camp's guards, as they start to build the officer's club, which is starting to look like a boat, as Hogan and the others look on from Barracks 2. One of the guards, Kristman, a bit confused by some of LeBeau's orders and directions, asks Langenscheidt if they are indeed building an officer's club. Upon hearing his question, LeBeau interrupts them, telling Kristman to be quiet, or else he would find himself hanging from the highest yardarm, before telling him to go to starboard and get back to work. A little while later, Hogan is seen with LeBeau, inspecting the almost completed boat, before he complements the Frenchman on the ship's design. LeBeau thanks Hogan for the complement, before giving out some more orders, and then mocks the German guards working on the ship by deriding them as the 'Master Race'. Schultz then appears, and proceeds to ask Hogan what is going on, as the club looks like a ship. But, when Hogan starts to tell him what they are doing, Schultz tells him that he doesn't want to know after all. He then asks Hogan how they plan to get Michaels out of camp, but when Hogan is about to open his mouth, Schultz stops him again, telling him that he doesn't want to know that either. As the two in amusement watch Schultz question his loyalty, Hogan asks him to do it elsewhere, since they're busy. Schultz then asks them what did Klink know about this. Hogan tells him that Klink has given Hogan his word that he wouldn't peak in on their work, since they want it to be a surprise. Schultz observes that he would certainly be surprised before leaving. Story Notes * This is the eleventh produced episode of the series, but is the sixteenth episode to be shown on television. * When they are rolling in the snow, it covers their uniforms more like flour than sleet snow might - it might have looked more realistic when being seen looked though a 17" television screen of the time. Quotes As Sergeant Schultz looks on, Klink speaks to Colonel Hogan: * Klink (As he keeps moving his swagger stick in the air): So, my dear, Colonel, I can assure you, I know everything. Just by chance-by chance, mind you-does the name 'Michaels' ring a bell with you? * Hogan: Michaels? Michaels...yes. Yes, it does, yes it does. (Schultz looking antsy.) * Klink: It does? * Hogan: Yeah. I knew this English girl, Diane Michaels...a beauty. Peaches-and-cream complexion. (Schultz relaxes as he hears Hogan's response.) * Klink: That is not the Michaels I had in mind. This one has a mustache. * Hogan: Oh, we're talking about two different girls. --------------- After being told by Papa Bear that the submarine is out of action, so that they can't pick up both Michaels and the gunsight at the same time: * Michaels: You don't mind my asking, Colonel Hogan, what exactly did you have in mind? * Carter (In a fake English accent): Eh, yes, old chap, what are you going to use for a sub? * Kinchloe: Yeah, how are you going to get Michaels over all that open sea, huh? * LeBeau: Do you expect him to walk across? * Newkirk: Gonna put the gunsight in his pocket, huh? * Kinchloe: How are you going to get him through the woods with all the Krauts outside? * LeBeau: And what about the Krauts inside? * Hogan: *Sigh* If there's one thing I can't stand, it's men with small, petty minds. --------------- After Klink discovers a ship being built inside the camp as he was expecting an officer's club: * Klink: COLONEL HOGAN!!!! * Hogan: Oh, Klink. You gave me your word. * Klink: I don't know what you two are up to, (Looking at Hogan and LeBeau) but I intend to find out. * Hogan: I'm surprised, sir, that you don't get the point. * Klink: What point? I'd ordered an officer's club and a ship comes out...in the middle of a prison camp 60 miles from the North Sea! * Hogan: That's just the point. We wanted to show the real you. On the one hand, your good breeding, exclusiveness. What could be more exclusive than...a Yacht Club? * Klink: I do admit a yacht club would be worthy of me. * LeBeau: And some day, Colonel Klink, you can sail away to Tahiti. * Hogan: When it will be German-owned, of course. In the meantime, you will have your own private yacht club. E-yup, I can see you there, entertaining, the skipper, yachtman... * LeBeau: ...scarf, blazer, Helga... * Hogan: ...your hostess... * LeBeau: ...soft nights, tropical breezes... * Hogan: Uh-hmmm! * LeBeau: Uh-hmmm! * Hogan: But in the meantime, you'll have you own tiny bit of Tahiti, right here. * Klink: Tahiti? When there's snow? * Hogan: You can always wear gloves. * Klink (Smiling): Yes. (Leaves in a happy mood.) As Hogan and LeBeau gloat over their pulling a fast one on Klink, Kinch arrives with some bad news. * Kinchloe: Colonel, I've just got a radio message from headquarters. They say the weather reports looks bad for next week. The boat will have to leave tomorrow night. * LeBeau (excited): Tomorrow night? How can that be done? * Hogan: We can always set fire to Klink's office and try to get him out the north gate. * Kinchloe (in a low voice): Hey, hey... Kinch leaves just as Klink come back. * Klink: Gentlemen, I have just had a great inspiration. I am going to give a party on my own yacht club. * Hogan: A party, Colonel? When? * Klink: Why wait? Tomorrow night. Colonel Hogan, since you were the first to give me the idea, I wanted you to be the first to know. (Salutes and then leaves.) * LeBeau (As Hogan salutes back, in a sarcastic tone): Got any more good idea? Hogan starts to reply but stops. Decides not to reply. --------------- As Klink talks with Hogan in his office, wearing a yachtman's outfit: * Klink: You know, we Germans never do anything half way. This party tonight is as important to me as going into battle. (Turns to look at Hogan) Uhm, sit down. (He and Hogan starts to sit down on a couch) You know, you really don't understand us, that's why you're losing the war. * Hogan: I'm sorry, sir. It's the easy living that's ruined us Americans. Uhm, we need your approval. * Klink: Approval for what? * Hogan: Approval to load the boat with the caviar, and the champagne, and the hors d'œuvres. * Klink: Permission granted (as he takes a piece of paper and a pencil from Hogan to sign.) Remember, as prisoners of war, you are not required to do this according to the Geneva Convention. * Hogan: That's alright sir, we-we-we're happy to do our bit. And besides, LeBeau is experienced at this. (Watches Klink start to sign the paper.) Comes from a long line of head waiters. * Klink: You know, Hogan-it's times like these when it is hard for me to think of you as the enemy. If it weren't for my strict rules on fraternization, I, ah, would invite you to the party tonight. * Hogan: Well, thank you, sir. I understand. And besides, what would the other guests think? (Stands up) Like Burkhalter? * Klink: Burkhalter? * Hogan: Yeah, you're Kommandant in Berlin. * Klink (Stands up as well): Who invited him? * Hogan: You didn't invite General Burkhalter? (Sees Klink quickly shake his head no several times) Oh, uhm, I sorry, sir. (Salutes then turns to leave.) * Klink: Just a minute, just a moment. Is there something wrong? * Hogan: Oh, I mean, in our army, I mean, it would be an affront. You know, military courtesy, espirit de corps. Guess that's not important when you're winning the war. * Klink: Oh, it is important, it is important. (Heads for his door) Fräulein Helga.. * Hogan: Get him Berlin. (After making a few apologetic gestures, salutes, and then leaves as Klink salutes back. Klink then closes the door.) --------------- As LeBeau and Carter supervise several guards as they start to load several crates onto the ship: * Carter: One case of..uhm..champagne. * LeBeau (Carrying a clipboard): Check. * Carter (surprised): Champagne? * LeBeau (Looking at Carter): It's a going away present for Michaels. It'll keep him warm during the trip. * Schultz (Carrying a crate which reads hors d'œuvres, but actually contains something else): (Huff) (Puff) (Put down the crate) How big a part is this going to make? * Carter: One gun sight. * LeBeau: One gun sight. Check. (Then says to Schultz) Fill that out extra carefully, will you, Schultz? * Schultz: Oh, I'm telling... Why I am doing this? Thank you, gentlemen. (After a short pause) One case of horse doveres. * LeBeau: No, no, no-hors d'œuvres, Schultz, hors d'œuvres. * Schultz (in a sarcastic tone as he starts to lift up the crate): Hors d'œuvres, hors d'œuvres. (Hands the crate off to another guard.) Bloopers * Klink states that Stalag 13 is 60 miles from the North Sea. This is incorrect as the Stalag is located in the German state of Bavaria which is in Southern Germany. This is another example of the series' writers playing fast and loose with geographical and continuity facts to fit their story's needs. * Burkhalter is credited as a Colonel, but is referred to by Klink as a General throughout the episode. * During one scene as the camera moves into Klink's office, the shadow of the camerman can be seen in one of the office's window. External links * Anchors Aweigh, Men of Stalag 13 at TV.com * Anchors Aweigh, Men of Stalag 13 at the Internet Movie Database * Anchors Aweigh, Men of Stalag 13 episode capsule at Webstalag 13 * Hogan's Heroes Fanclub * The Hofbrau Television stories Category:Season One